Features

Back From the Future, Part 1

Sean Varner
Staff Writerr

We need a name—and a character to go with it. Wilbur? Janice? Dusty? Ah, I know: Toodles.

No, perhaps Toodles was ill advised.

Martin. Martin Bubbles. Marty, for short, that’s what I’ve decided: Marty Bubbles. He’s a junior, and he lives in Sondheim.

Well, not really. This is all fictional. That is, until it’s factual.

Bear with me.

*

Marty went to bed in Sondheim one night in April 2012, but accidentally awoke in 1965.

It was confusing at first: Mostly because he woke up lying on the floor. He realized rather quickly, however, that the floor wasn’t his bed. In fact, the whole room was different. Big windows in the far wall were leaving a lot of sun into the room, for one. And there was a courtyard, right on the other side of those windows. There were several beds scattered about, too.

Also, a nurse was walking around. It was just as he noticed her that she noticed him.

Her name was Ms. Tongue, and she seemed visibly in distress right from the get-go. “A boy…” was the first thing she said. She asked Marty where he came from and what he was doing on the floor. “I don’t know,” he said.

Ticks later: Ms. Tongue chased him out the room with a rolling pin. As he legged it out of the joint, he noticed Sondheim was only one story and wasn’t called Sondheim. It was called Health Center.

For a stint, he didn’t think he was at Goucher any longer. Everything looked so different.

But as he was executing the high-tail protocol, he realized—because all of the students milling around outside were girls, and all the girls were wearing skirts and had funny hairdos—that he was still at Goucher, but at a different Goucher. He realized that he had gone to sleep in one year, and woke up in a much earlier one.

He didn’t know why. All he knew was that he was back from the future.

*

Yeah, so it was like Rip Van Winkle. Only in reverse.

See, what had actually happened is this.

Martin Bubles went to sleep in 2012 and woke up in 1965. His spatial location didn’t change, just his time. He woke up on the floor of the Health Center, because in 1965, the Health Center sat just where Sondheim now sits. It had beds for patients and a courtyard and big glass windows and a nurse named Ms. Tongue.

*

Martin Bubbles was a boy, and Goucher was an all girls school back then. This, as you can imagine, posed problems for Martin Bubbles.

But Martin was clever, so he did what any clever boy would do: He dressed up as a girl, and attended Goucher from 1965-1969.

*

Alright, so nobody would actually do that, and there never really was a Martin Bubbles. He’s just a tool I’m using to relate Goucher History in a semi-interesting manner.

Like I said, bear with me.

*

After throwing on a dress and a wig, Marty was a bit parched. So he went to Alice’s to grab an iced tea. Unfortunately for him, there was no Alice’s. Or Athenaeum. Instead it was just a bunch of grass and some irritating flies.

In order to quench the thirst, he was told by a nice young lady that he’d have to go down to admissions in Dorsey center. Apparently, there was a snack bar where the Admissions Office was in 2012.

So, Marty went. And on the way, he caught a glimpse of bookshelves and toiletries and conveniences strewn about SAS. He poked his head and soon discerned it must’ve been the bookstore. And he was correct.

After he had his snack at the snack bar, (it didn’t have a fancy name, like Alice’s), he was curious as to what was located then where the bookstore is located now. So, he walked over, had a look, and found something boring: It was just another wing of the Mary Fisher dorms.

But this raised his curiosity in all sorts of fashions.

*

He went exploring.

He took a clockwise walk around campus, starting with the academic buildings. Meyerhoff was noticably absent. Hoffberger was there, though. But it was called the Lilian Welsh labrotory.

Van Meter was there, but it looked different, odd. Like someone hacked off a whole wing of the place. He soon came to the chapel, which looked exactly the same, and the SRC, which looked radically different.

For starters, the old gym was the only thing in the place: no new gym, or cardio room, or weight room. There weren’t even any dance studios.

The President’s House was still there. Sondheim was the Health Center, as he had already come to find out.

There was no Welsh Hall (in its place was a parking lot), but there was a Stimson Hall. And, unfathomably, Marty heard a bunch of girls talking about how much they wished they could live there. Apparently, the dorm had just been built. It was new and clean and had lots of singles, and students actively wanted to live there.

Marty headed back down to Dorsey Center, and noted that the Post Office was on the first floor, along with a bank. And that in place of the CDO office was a commuter lounge.

Tuckered out from his long day of time travel and walking, he sat down on a bench in Dorsey Center, and began to wonder what his day-to-day life would be like in 1965.

[Next time, in the startling conclusion of the “Back From the Future” saga, Marty learns why Van Meter Highway is called Van Meter Highway, what college life entailed in 1965, and what the “Magic Circle” was. And he might return home to 2012. But probably not.]

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